Having mutual friends is both an advantage and a disadvantage after the break up. The advantage of having one is you can still be updated about your ex’s life even without asking him. The disadvantage is you will be reminded about the failed relationship.

I used our mutual friends to my advantage when I bragged about how good my career was after the break up. Now, I realize that that was a stupid move! You don’t brag about your happiness; it simply radiates from within you.

This mutual friend has a habit of reminding my past with Grey and how “good” the relationship was. Of course, I wouldn’t tell him that my past with Grey was not as perfect as everyone assumed.

Grey would only think of me whenever he had time.

Grey would only love me whenever it was convenient for him.

I can’t remember if he knew my favorite color. I can’t remember if we had a serious topic. His obsession on his ideal woman consumed his thoughts most of the time and every mistake that I did was a deduction on my standing. Ironically, he was also a green-eyed monster. He claimed that he trusted me too much yet he was also critical of my past. Sex was his territory where he was at his most manipulative.

The problem with me then was I was too blinded by my love and devotion that was why I failed to see the red flags in the relationship. I thought that the roller coaster relationship was normal. I thought that his obsession on my physical looks was flattering. I thought that his jealous fits was a sign of love. I thought that sex must be available for him anytime he wanted; regardless if I was feeling unwell or not.

When I asked him if he would allow his sister to be in a living in arrangement, his mood shifted from happy to irritated.

“I wouldn’t want any man to put my sister in that kind of arrangement!”

“Then why are you doing the same to me?”

My question caught him off guard. He said that I was different because I was going to be his wife someday. I told him that he could do that anytime. He replied that he needed money first.

“No, you don’t need to marry me in a big church wedding. A simple one will do.”

The topic about getting married was the start of the many arguments and petty  fights in our relationship. It was a topic that he was allergic to yet every time he wanted to have unprotected sex, it was the same topic that he used to sway me into agreeing.

Foolish love.

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