Christmas vacation, my ex-boyfriend visited our child and bought her some clothes for the holiday. I was not in the mood most of the time and my mother thought that I was picking on my ex. I was also clueless why I had erratic mood swings and my temperature was always high. I was a little suspicious that I could be pregnant as a result of unprotected sex with Grey yet I didn’t want to entertain the idea. My ex-bf noticed my grumpiness and teased me about it.

“You must be missing your boyfriend!”

I ignored him. He continued to tease me by ringing my cellphone. I walked out of the living room in rage. My mother reprimanded me for misbehaving.

Lunch time, we all went to my grandmother’s house. For a short time, our toddler felt complete. My relatives were advising me to go back to my ex and settle whatever differences we had. I held back myself from divulging why I had to leave him. I could never live with someone who physically hurts somebody especially if that somebody is me.

Ex-bf had to leave after lunch to catch up on family-related activities. Feeling guilty of what I did earlier, I offered to pack up his things because he was staying in my grandmother’s house for the short vacation. I didn’t know if it was my hormones but I had a powerful urge to kiss him. I  tried to control myself.

“So, here are your things. Take care and give my regards to your parents.”

He closed the door for a little privacy and cornered me. He started kissing me passionately. I tried to push him away but his hands became more aggressive. Slowly, I was literally melting into his arms and I found myself kissing him, too. His kisses were going down my neck while I freed my arms from his arrest and embraced him tightly. He grabbed my breasts and fondled them and it hurt a little.

“It hurts,” I said.

With that familiar burning passion in his eyes, he raised my blouse and freed my breasts from the bra.

“Those are getting bigger,” he said. He sucked like a hungry infant and my nipples hurt so bad. I asked him to stop and sensing that I was not faking the pain, he stopped.

“Okay. I’ll just go to the restroom. Fix yourself. I needed to go, by the way.”

When he left the room, I checked myself at mirror and noticed that my breasts were larger than usual. The nipples were still hurting. Could I really be pregnant with Grey’s child?

When my ex went back to the room to tell me that it was time for him to go, I apologized for my misbehavior about the cellphone incident. He replied by apologizing about the “sucking” incident. We both laughed. I reminded him that that intimacy did not mean anything to me.

Did I miss my ex’s gentle lovemaking? With Grey, it was always a forceful entry and I felt like a piece of meat every time we had sex. With my ex, he could be the gentlest man on bed yet a horrifying monster when jealous.

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