It was a Monday morning a week after his fake sexual attack. As usual, my first destination after my weekly trip to the countryside to visit my family was our unit, our love nest. I expected a surprise from him. A pleasant surprise like “I turned down the job offer because I realized that it was useless to live away from you. I love you and I am staying.” I inserted the key to the doorknob and prepared myself to the sight of our unit.
The room was perfectly clean as if nobody stayed there during the weekend. Grey intentionally put all my things inside a big box because he didn’t want his family to know about our set up. His family stayed in our unit for the weekend to help him transport his things to his new place. For the first time in my life, I missed Grey so terribly.
I went to work afterwards and the pain of seeing his empty cubicle was even unbearable. His teammates gave me a pat on my shoulder to comfort me. My teammates were sympathetic as well. They knew how much my life revolved around Grey and it was gonna be a paradigm shift from living it with him to living it independently. I was blindsighted about his job hunt and I had little time to adjust. No, I was just too emotionally dependent on him. I loved him despite his flaws and abuses.
What puzzled me was he was cool about leaving me in a city wherein my ex was just around to pursue me. A year ago, my ex’s move to relocate to the same city got into Grey’s nerves and he even thought of a fistfight with him. Fast-forward to present time (2017), I realize that when Grey left me for a greener pasture, that was the time when he decided that I was not the one for him. I was just too busy loving him to even notice it.
“Don’t you love this new set up? At least there’s something good that we will be excited about every weekend,” Grey once told me. Years ago, I thought that he was just cheering me up. I realize now that when he said that, he had lost the magic or the feeling of being in love. I was just there as his sex partner. I was not even his friend.
The first night without him was awful. I pretended that he was just at work.
“I miss you, Grey…..”