Tall, dark, mysterious and handsome.
He was a new officemate and he was younger by 5 years to me.
Let’s call him James.
He IM’d me one day. Let’s call this day 1.
James: Hi Ma’am. It’s me, James. The new guy that was introduced to you last month. Remember?
Me: Oh, hi James!
James: Thank you for replying. Have a nice day, Madam!
James IM’d me again.
James: Hi Ma’am. I am just wondering if you could please give me your mobile number?
Me: Sure, here is it. (types number).
Later that day, I received a text message from him.
James: Hi Ma’am. I hope you arrived safely from work.
Me: Thank you for thinking about my safety.
James: Ma’am, I am wondering if we could be friends?
Me: Sure, no problem.
Day 3: Lunchtime at the office cafeteria.
James: Hi Ma’am… I hope you ate well.
Me: I’m getting fat.
James: No, you’re getting prettier.
Later, we exchanged more text messages. He asked if I was single and available. I said that I was 100% single and 100% available. It was just a casual exchange of flirty text messages; a harmless play; and so I thought.
James: I think I’m falling in love with someone.
Me: Then why don’t you pursue him?
James: Hahaha! I’m straight! You mean, why don’t I pursue her?
James: What if I don’t have a chance?
Me: What if she’s just waiting for that chance?
James: Hmmmm…I’ll gather enough courage and tell it to her face to face.
Me: Good night, James.
James: Good night, Ma’am. I hope you’ll have a pleasant dream.
Grey: Hey, are you so busy the past few days?
Me: Ah, yes.
Grey: Okay, I thought you are mad at me.
Me: Mad about what?
Grey: Forget it. See you on weekend.
The excitement of the daily text messages brought some glow to my tired heart. I was falling in love with James, his innocence and the way he made me feel good. But I realized that I was not being truthful to James and Grey. I didn’t tell James about Grey and I didn’t tell Grey about James. Both men were very attractive and intelligent but when it came to financial stability, Grey was thrice stable than James.
The following day, day 7, Grey surprised me with a visit. I was supposed to meet him at our love nest but he went to my office to fetch me home. I was speechless and stiff when he put his arm around my shoulder because I was afraid that James would see us. I removed his arm and we walked together towards our favorite restaurant. He saw a mobile phone accessories shop and asked me if we could buy a phone casing before proceeding to the restaurant. He chose a color and then kissed me on the lips while waiting for his change. When I looked at the other direction, I saw James’ housemate and he pretended not to see us. I felt like somebody splashed a cold water on my face!
At the restaurant, Grey gave me his surprise; a new mobile phone and a new SIM card or mobile number. He wanted me to give him my phone right away for swapping but knowing that James’ messages were there, I told him that I would do that later.
Then, I received a text message from James.
James: I hope you’re enjoying your dinner, Ma’am.
He wouldn’t know that I was having dinner and with a boyfriend had his housemate not told him about the kissing incident earlier. I felt like I was about to cry but what was there to cry for a relationship that was never mine in the first place? Maybe, I was just being too emotional.
At the love nest, Grey noticed my silence and started conquering me again.
“Did you like the new phone?” he asked while unhooking my bra.
I said yes and he answered that if I really liked his present, then maybe I should “pay” him by making him happy. It was a no-brainer for somebody like me so I did what I could to satisfy him.
After two days, a Monday, I saw James at the cafeteria with a sad smile on his face. I IM’d him later and told him about my new number. He said that he realized that he needed to focus on his work, he being a new guy at the office. It was his subtle way of saying “good-bye!”
Something was probably wrong with me. I loved Grey with all my heart despite the sexual and emotional abuse that I got from him yet my heart longed for that kind of nurturing love from someone.
I loved Grey but I did not wish to have an offspring with him because I knew that he was not capable of fatherly love.