It Ended Even Before It Started

Tall, dark, mysterious and handsome.

He was a new officemate and he was younger by 5 years to me.

Let’s call him James.

He IM’d me one day. Let’s call this day 1.

James: Hi Ma’am. It’s me, James. The new guy that was introduced to you last month. Remember?

Me: Oh, hi James!

James: Thank you for replying. Have a nice day, Madam!

Day 2:

James IM’d me again.

James: Hi Ma’am. I am just wondering if you could please give me your mobile number?

Me: Sure, here is it. (types number).

Later that day, I received a text message from him.

James: Hi Ma’am. I hope you arrived safely from work.

Me: Thank you for thinking about my safety.

James: Ma’am, I am wondering if we could be friends?

Me: Sure, no problem.

Day 3: Lunchtime at the office cafeteria.

James: Hi Ma’am… I hope you ate well.

Me: I’m getting fat.

James: No, you’re getting prettier.

I blushed.

Later, we exchanged more text messages. He asked if I was single and available. I said that I was 100% single and 100% available. It was just a casual exchange of flirty text messages; a harmless play; and so I thought.

Day 4:

James: I think I’m falling in love with someone.

Me: Then why don’t you pursue him?

James: Hahaha! I’m straight! You mean, why don’t I pursue her?

Me: Haha.

James: What if I don’t have a chance?

Me: What if she’s just waiting for that chance?

James: Hmmmm…I’ll gather enough courage and tell it to her face to face.

Me: Good night, James.

James: Good night, Ma’am. I hope you’ll have a pleasant dream.

Day 5:

Grey’s text.

Grey: Hey, are you so busy the past few days?

Me: Ah, yes.

Grey: Okay, I thought you are mad at me.

Me: Mad about what?

Grey: Forget it. See you on weekend.

Day 6:

The excitement of the daily text messages brought some glow to my tired heart. I was falling in love with James, his innocence and the way he made me feel good. But I realized that I was not being truthful to James and Grey.  I didn’t tell James about Grey and I didn’t tell Grey about James. Both men were very attractive and intelligent but when it came to financial stability, Grey was thrice stable than James.

The following day, day 7, Grey surprised me with a visit. I was supposed to meet him at our love nest but he went to my office to fetch me home. I was speechless and stiff when he put his arm around my shoulder because I was afraid that James would see us. I removed his arm and we walked together towards our favorite restaurant. He saw a mobile phone accessories shop and asked me if we could buy a phone casing before proceeding to the restaurant. He chose a color and then kissed me on the lips while waiting for his change. When I looked at the other direction, I saw James’ housemate and he pretended not to see us. I felt like somebody splashed a cold water on my face!

At the restaurant, Grey gave me his surprise; a new mobile phone and a new SIM card or mobile number. He wanted me to give him my phone right away for swapping but knowing that James’ messages were there, I told him that I would do that later.

Then, I received a text message from James.

James: I hope you’re enjoying your dinner, Ma’am.

He wouldn’t know that I was having dinner and with a boyfriend had his housemate not told him about the kissing incident earlier. I felt like I was about to cry but what was there to cry for a relationship that was never mine in the first place? Maybe, I was just being too emotional.

At the love nest, Grey noticed my silence and started conquering me again.

“Did you like the new phone?” he asked while unhooking my bra.

I said yes and he answered that if I really liked his present, then maybe I should “pay” him by making him happy. It was a no-brainer for somebody like me so I did what I could to satisfy him.

After two days, a Monday, I saw James at the cafeteria with a sad smile on his face. I IM’d him later and told him about my new number. He said that he realized that he needed to focus on his work, he being a new guy at the office. It was his subtle way of saying “good-bye!”

Something was probably wrong with me. I loved Grey with all my heart despite the sexual and emotional abuse that I got from him yet my heart longed for that kind of nurturing love from someone.

I loved Grey but I did not wish to have an offspring with him because I knew that he was not capable of fatherly love.








The Friendster Connection

Grey never introduced me to any of his friends and officemates in his new job. My identity was kept in the dark though his friends knew that he had a girlfriend in the countryside.

I opened my Friendster and searched for him. There I found a flirty testimonial from a random girl. I was very hurt because his old friends were able to read it. Clearly, the joke was on me! Grey never asked me to be part of his social media circle. I was just that mystery girl that he went home for every weekend. I was too naïve to doubt about his loyalty yet all the signs were there from the start; he was playing with fire.

He gifted me a cellphone with camera when he felt that I was not as enthusiastic as the previous weeks. He probably thought that one of his trusted friends betrayed him by telling me about his escapades. The cellphone with camera amused me because I had never seen one or owned one before. Those were the days of Nokia glory and people were just too consumed by the boom in technology.

“It can record a video, try it,” Grey said.

I got a little naughty. I placed the cellphone in an empty glass and started kissing Grey. Then, we checked the recording and laughed at our silliness. I put the cellphone back in the glass and prepared myself for another recording.

This time, Grey was already on top of me. He kissed me and then stopped and looked at the cellphone.

“Let’s see how we make love,” he said.

After making love, I looked at the recording at least twice to check whether I was just exaggerating or not. I saw him kissing me on the lips; his left hand pulling my hair. Then, he penetrated me while my face was obviously showing pain. He licked my nipples and my neck; that was the time when I saw myself getting aroused. I saw myself arching my back as if to tell him to continue licking my breasts. He asked me to lie on my right side and there I saw a clearer view of my naked body. He pinched my nipples while I let go of a soft moan. He inserted his manhood again and pumped me roughly.

“Grey…. faster…Greyy,” then he covered my mouth while the two of us melted in lust.

The video showed how much I enjoyed being savaged by Grey and yet I felt violated after every sex.

Was I In-Love?

I was in the restroom, taking a shower after sex, when Grey told me to hurry up because he wanted to have dinner at one of our favorite restaurants. Wrapped in a yellow towel, I went to the wardrobe cabinet to get something to wear. Grey removed the towel covering my naked body and looked at my reflection on the mirror.

“You’re turning me on again.”

We had been making love for over an hour now and this was supposed to be his third time to release the heat he was feeling. It took him longer to ejaculate and the pain of his forceful thrusts were killing me. I straightened my body and told him to just try after dinner. He pushed me on the bed, went on top of me, put my legs on his shoulders and then started thrusting again.

“Don’t move, I’m concentrating,” he said.

I was very tired after the third round and the only consolation was the promise of a good dinner. As usual, the restaurant never failed my simple tastes. As usual, the conversation was double-meaning and had sexual undertone. Grey’s phone vibrated, his friend sent him a text message informing him that he was now officially on with the girl that he was courting for quite sometime.

My mood changed after hearing the good news. I was jealous of Grey’s friend’s new girlfriend. Grey gave his friend tips on how to make a woman fall in love with him. I hated it because he didn’t care to do all those advices for me. I was just a sex object. Grey saw my teary eyes and asked me if it had something to do with his friend’s news. I told him that I was jealous with the new girlfriend and I hated her for being the recipient of his friend’s love. I would have wanted to receive love letters from Grey, I would have wanted real love like the love that I felt for him.

Grey said that I was just starting a drama. He grabbed my right breast and squeezed it gently. I removed his hand and told him how rude he was to me.

“You should be thankful, those tits were not that big before. I was the one responsible for its size now.”

He squeezed my left breast and I looked around to see if somebody was watching.

“You’re my wife.”

“Marry me first.”

“I am not ready.”

“Then don’t touch me!”

“You are just jealous of the new girlfriend.”

Later at our unit, Grey made love to me again. He was too busy and consumed by his lust so he missed the tears that fell from my eyes. I loved Grey very much to the point of madness.

Grey’s Rise To Power

Grey’s new job was not exactly what you call “glamorous” if your definition of it meant frequent out-of-towns, good food, good company, good life. His new job was more financially rewarding so he was able to buy the things that he couldn’t afford when he was still working in his old company. As a result of this, my lifestyle also changed for the better; thanks to Grey!

This lifestyle change was noticed by my officemates. My days of living from paycheck to paycheck was gone. First, I was able to save my rent expense because he shouldered 100% of it. Second, I was able to save on meals whenever he was around for a visit. Third, he paid for my beauty supplies and maintenance . I was such a lucky girl! I loved being the recipient of his financial generosity. I bet he loved being in control, too. There was no such thing as a free lunch, he expected me to be more submissive to him.

The physical attraction never really went away even after our break up three years later. It had always been the bond that glued us together. Going back to my story above, Grey bought me a can of expensive chocolate candies. He let me indulged on it and then whispered something into my ear.

“Those candies are aphrodisiac,” he kissed me on my cheek.

“You are my aphrodisiac,” I kissed him back. We kissed while passing the chocolate candy from mouth to mouth. He asked me to sit on top of him; I could feel his warm breath on my chest. He motioned me to start penetrating him. I bit my lip in pain as I was not yet aroused when I tried to insert his organ into mine. He knew my erogenous zone so he started sucking my nipples. He sucked hard like a hungry infant and before I even noticed, I was already gyrating.

“I’m coming,” he said.

I put my arms around him to secure myself but he put them down to my side while holding them firmly. I was distracted by this; I could never get used to making love with someone with my hands off him. He came inside of me with intense power. I reminded him that I was not sure if I were safe. He asked me to take a morning-after pill. This morning-after pill would become a staple in our sex sessions later.

When The Love Is Fading

Grey’s career in his new job was much better than the one that he left behind. I was so proud of him and he became the benchmark of his former co-workers when it comes to career decisions. On the other hand, I was more motivated to work to prove that I could also be successful.

The weekly visits were something to look forward to; I missed him so much. The more he became unavailable, the more I wanted every piece of him. Our company had a scheduled shutdown for three working days and I took it as an opportunity to stay with Grey in his new place. I used the company phone to contact him; his phone kept on ringing and ringing. On my fourth attempt, Grey picked it up.

“Hello!” he said in an irritated tone.

“Hi Grey! It’s me!” I said.

“Why are you calling me up? You’re disturbing my sleep! Don’t you know that I’m on night duty this week?” he was almost shouting.

Surprised, I hung up the phone and dialed again after a few minutes.

“I just miss you so much. We’re going to have a three-day forced vacation. I just want to tell you,” I said.

“Sure you would call! It’s free!” he said, pertaining to the company phone.

I told him that yes, it was free and it was my mistake to use the phone to contact him. He was silent on the other line so I just ended the call without telling him about my plan to stay with him for the weekend.

This would be the start of his on and off no communication with me. I tried to understand him and his busy new life but sometimes, it was too much to bear. I felt that I was falling into a deep depression but I could not open it up to him because he might take it negatively. On that day, I remembered our first days as lovers and how every single minute was special. I remembered how much he wanted to be with me and how he treated me like a princess. Times have changed…. just like his feelings for me.

Meeting the Ex-Future In-Laws

A year after the miscarriage and three years later into our relationship, Grey decided that it was the perfect time for me to meet his parents. I’ve never had any issues with that and in fact, I was very excited than worried.

“Don’t expect a nice house,” Grey said while we were on the bus.

I embraced him and thought that a nice house would never be my concern because ours back home was not as grand as what acquaintances thought it to be.

“Mom, we’ll be there in two hours,” Grey texted.

Their home was actually 5-8 hours away from our place depending on the volume of traffic. We decided to have a night trip to avoid the hassle. One advantage of a night trip is the privacy it gives to naughty passengers because majority of the co-passengers are either sleeping or busy minding their own business.

Grey kissed me on the lips while his hands found their way to my breasts.

“I feel like doing it here,” he whispered.

“There are people around,” I said.

“Lights are off. C’mon!”

“I’ll just do the job,” I said.

Then I sneaked my hand into his private part and gently caressed it. By this time, we were sharing a jacket to cover our mischievousness. It did not take long before I satisfied Grey. He wanted to return the favor but I was wearing a tight-fitting jeans so he left the idea.

By early morning, we arrived at their place. Their house was not as bad as I thought it to be but I found their place too crowded. His mother opened the door and I saw the excitement in her eyes upon seeing Grey. Grey was equally excited, too.

“Where are my brothers? Where’s my sister? Where’s Papa? Where is everybody?”

All the mentioned names came out of their room one by one. It was a happy reunion!

“But before I forget, let me introduce to all of you my girlfriend.”

All eyes were on me.

“Hello. It was nice meeting all of you.”

Then I kissed his mother and smiled at the rest of the family. His mother glanced at my stomach; probably checking if I was pregnant or not.

After the breakfast, I offered to wash the dishes but his mom told me to just stay in the living room to rest. She probably thought that I was sleeping on the sofa because I overheard her scolding Grey for bringing me there.

“Is she pregnant?”

“3 months.”

His mom pinched him on his arm.


“Correction. 4 months!” then Grey giggled.

Grey embraced his mother and whispered something like “she’s just visiting.”

“Good! Don’t get married yet! Promise me.”

Grey smiled at me when he confirmed that I was not sleeping. I smiled to assure him that what I heard would not change my affection for his mother.

A Memorable Day

It had been three weeks since Grey moved to another city for greener pasture. I prepared myself to be alone on my birthday. I went to work earlier than usual and kept myself very busy.

“Happy birthday!”

It was Grey’s text message. I thanked him and proceeded with the day’s tasks. My teammates greeted me a happy birthday but for me, it was just an ordinary day. I was wearing an orange blouse; the same blouse that I wore on the day that Grey and I went to a photo studio in the early days of our relationship.

I decided to go home late on that day. It was good to have my bestfriend around for her company that I badly needed. Grey texted me and asked if I was still in the office.

“Yes. Staying late.”

“Hardworking. It’s your birthday.”

“I need to keep myself busy.”

“Btw, I sent something for you. I hope you’ll receive it later.”

“What is it? How can I receive it?”

“It’s a pink something inside a box.”

Wow, a pink something? It must be an engagement ring, I thought. I forgot my loneliness and daydreamed about wearing the much-awaited engagement ring. And oh, Grey didn’t have to ask if I wanted to be his wife! He knew the answer even before he could ask.

It was 7:00 PM and my bestfriend reminded me that it was time to go home. I told her to go ahead because I felt like staying until 10PM.

“Hey, are you still in the office?”


“My God! You should go home!”

“I’m staying until maybe….”

“I am asking you to go home. Who’s there with you?”

“My bestfriend. Okay, I’ll ready my things.”

My bestfriend and I were happily chatting on our way home. Then somebody grabbed me and put his arms on my shoulder. My first instinct was to defend myself. I looked up at the tall man and saw Grey’s handsome face! I was speechless! It was a surprise! A big surprise! Even my bestfriend was surprised! My boyfriend visited me because it was my birthday!

He brought me to our favorite restaurant. My bestfriend gave us a much-needed quality time; she declined Grey’s request to join us in the simple celebration. I excused myself for a minute and put on some lipstick. I combed my hair and checked if I looked presentable enough. Grey was wearing a light pink long sleeve polo. I felt bad about dressing down on my birthday. I wanted to be always presentable in his eyes all the time.

He was busy texting when I went back at our table. I kissed him on the cheek and told him how much I appreciate his efforts. While eating and while he was busy replying to his colleague’s texts, I just marveled at the sight of having the love of my life with me on my special day.

“You know. When you mentioned about the pink something, I never thought that it would be you.”

“It was meant to be a surprise. Are you happy?”

“I am very happy. No amount of material things could make me happier than having you in my life.”

The air was filled with so much love that night. I forgot about the long-standing depression, I forgot about our previous fights, I forgot about the abuses, I forgot about all the not-so-good things that happened between us. We made love that night with so much passion. I kissed him, caressed him, imitated how porn actors do the blowjob and pumped him. It was my own way of thanking him for the effort.

Empty Nest

Empty nest.


It was a Monday morning a week after his fake sexual attack. As usual, my first destination after my weekly trip to the countryside to visit my family was our unit, our love nest. I expected a surprise from him. A pleasant surprise like “I turned down the job offer because I realized that it was useless to live away from you. I love you and I am staying.” I inserted the key to the doorknob and prepared myself to the sight of our unit.

The room was perfectly clean as if nobody stayed there during the weekend. Grey intentionally put all my things inside a big box because he didn’t want his family to know about our set up. His family stayed in our unit for the weekend to help him transport his things to his new place. For the first time in my life, I missed Grey so terribly.

I went to work afterwards and the pain of seeing his empty cubicle was even unbearable. His teammates gave me a pat on my shoulder to comfort me. My teammates were sympathetic as well. They knew how much my life revolved around Grey and it was gonna be a paradigm shift from living it with him to living it independently. I was blindsighted about his job hunt and I had little time to adjust. No, I was just too emotionally dependent on him. I loved him despite his flaws and abuses.

What puzzled me was he was cool about leaving me in a city wherein my ex was just around to pursue me. A year ago, my ex’s move to relocate to the same city got into Grey’s nerves and he even thought of a fistfight with him. Fast-forward to present time (2017), I realize that when Grey left me for a greener pasture, that was the time when he decided that I was not the one for him. I was just too busy loving him to even notice it.

“Don’t you love this new set up? At least there’s something good that we will be excited about every weekend,” Grey once told me. Years ago, I thought that he was just cheering me up. I realize now that when he said that, he had lost the magic or the feeling of being in love. I was just there as his sex partner. I was not even his friend.

The first night without him was awful. I pretended that he was just at work.

“I miss you, Grey…..”



I was awakened by a heavy weight on top of me; I couldn’t breathe. I tried to move my arms but they were tied on the bed post. An object touched my neck, I was not sure if it was a gun or a knife. I knew I was in trouble.

Three years ago, a thief walked into our unit while Grey and I were sleeping. The trauma of having an unwelcome visitor still affects me up to the present time. But on that particular night, I knew that the case was different from three years earlier.

I tried to adjust myself from the dark surroundings to at least identify who was on top of me. The intruder was breathing heavily, the scent of alcohol was recognizable. I thought of Grey who must still be out and working…or enjoying? The intruder started harassing me. He touched me on my private parts then I tried to close my thighs. Then he removed my underwear and rubbed his penis on my vagina. He tried to penetrate me but was unsuccessful at first because of the dryness. The next attempt was successful and painful. The intruder mashed my breasts while pumping. He was breathing heavily while I was silently crying. When he was over, he turned on the light. Still in shock, I was speechless while he was untying me.

“Don’t cry. It’s just me!”

I did not answer.

“You did not enjoy because you thought it was another man?”

I did not answer.

“It’s okay, it’s over.”

I did not answer.

“It was not rape, I was just playing.”

I did not answer.

I did not answer because it was useless to argue with a drunken Grey.

Pleasure Coach

A year later .

I was the last one to know that Grey was hunting for a new job in another city. When I confronted him about it, he simply said that he was just trying and nothing else. He encouraged me to find a new job, too. It was my first time to set up an online resume’; Grey was there to help me on it.

We had dinner at our favorite restaurant. We had fun talking about future career plans. He was good at career planning. He was talking most of the time; he was at his best element that night. He explained why he had to find a new job. He said that it was because he wanted a career and not just a job. He said that our salary was not enough to raise a family. He was careful not to bring up the topic of my previous pregnancy.

At out unit later, I told him that while I was happy for his motivation to improve his life, I would be very sad to be living alone on our love nest. It was a rollercoaster relationship but I would have wanted to be with him than to be living solemnly but alone.

“You’re acting as if you’re the only one who’s affected. I am also affected,” he said.

I kissed him on his lips and he kissed me back passionately.

“I worry about your faithfulness,” he said in between kisses, “I can think of you and pleasure myself from the memories but you, you don’t do it so what if you find another man to satisfy your urges?”

“You’re crazy!” I said.

“Prove to me that you can do it alone. Pretend that I am not here. Show me how you pleasure yourself. Then, I can be assured that you will not be unfaithful to me.”

At first, I thought that it was a joke. I expected it to be part of his foreplay. I expected either a rough sex or a forced sex. But he was too insistent so as a dutiful girlfriend, I tried it. Well, I was not trying to be prudent because my first self-pleasure was when I was fourteen. It was memorable because I didn’t even know that I was masturbating already! For some reasons, I played with my nipples and then I had orgasm. It was pleasurable but as soon as the rhythmic movements stopped, I panicked and almost cried!

“Pretend that I am not here. Remove your clothes. Would you like me to turn on the dim light, instead?” Grey said.

He distanced himself from me and sat at the edge of the bed. I removed my shirt and jeans and lied down.

“Remove your underwear,” he said.

Removing my underwear was too much so I did not oblige. Instead, I pulled down my bra and exposed my breasts. I closed my eyes and fondled my twin peaks. I pinched my nipples in between my fingers as if someone’s sucking on them. I was completely turned on and I almost forgot that there’s someone there watching over me. I opened my eyes to check on Grey.

“Continue….” he said while holding his erection.

I closed my eyes again and went back to fondling my breasts. I rubbed my clitoris and before I could continue, Grey removed my panty and instructed me to turn my back on him. It was a forceless thrust because I was lubricated. I could see Grey pumping on me through the large headboard mirror.

“I will cum inside. Just take the emergency pill.”

It was one hell of a lovemaking and I let go of a loud moan. Grey covered my mouth with his right hand while his left hand mashed my breasts.

“Good job!”

He was referring to my first masturbation as an adult.